Sealed with an 'x'

In the land of the cold stare, where it takes at least three months into any interpersonal relationship to see the pasty white shell of British reserve even give hint of cracking, one would probably expect most textual exchanges to close with a curt, 'Sincerely, Mr. So-and-So.'

You'd be totally wrong, and here's why: British people of all stripes, male and female, young and old, gay and straight (and 'other', which deserves a whole post of its own), tall and short, etc. etc. love ending text messages, facebook messages, and basically any other short correspondence with a sultry 'x' or even a whole string of them at a time. Upon first encountering this during my last stint in the Kingdom, I kind of figured it was mostly a girl phenomenon. Mostly because I was texting and receiving messages primarily from female friends, not because I have no male ones, but that was just how it went. This time around, I realized that men did it too. Shocker: men x'd other men!

No, this wasn't some weird revelatory moment such as many youngsters might have when they kind of hope Holden Caulfield had gone on smooching his teacher at least a little longer or less horrified-ly, or realizing they enjoy 'Men's Health' magazine not only because it gives great tips on how to achieve your optimal physique. Mostly, to me it just seemed a fairly intimate way of ending a text message with your 'mate' to arrange a trip to the pub. I can't say I like hugging most friends, so to end a communique with an even textual kiss seemed a bit much.

At first I thought, maybe it's a gay thing, but I asked around, and apparently even a good number of otherwise 'blokey' straight men will end texts to each other with an 'x'. The same straight-male-British friend I asked for confirmation explained it this way:

We find it a way to express affection without compromising our British sense of reserve. It allows us to show a feeling without all the unpleasantness that might come with an awkwardly forced (or one-sided) hug, or other real-life show of emotion.

This seems as good an explanation as any; generations of repressing outward signs of affection, at least in most situations, begins to leak out in text messages and other less personal and thus safer modes of communication. Rather than having to get pant-wettingly drunk before expressing affection (And by the way, what's up with straight guys groping their friends once they have a few drinks in them, Britain? Something to explore another day, I think!), one need only pick up one's mobile and let your thumb speak volumes of unspoken softness of heart with a solitary virtual kiss.

x

Keep your eyes peeled, as this post has got me thinking about the next one, an examination of the relatively more flexible gender norms, especially for men, in modern Britannia.

Slang the Second

I've clearly got nothing better to do than write random musing blog posts (in the word's of Alicia Silverstone, as if!), so here is another serving of fine London slang for all the folks at home.

'innit - pronounced in-it very quickly - used to emphasise the preceding statement, to imply it as unquestionably true, or to seek an implicit assent from the conversation partner. Also seemingly sometimes used without any real function. Coming at the end of a sentences; ( a contraction of 'isn't it?' but with a broader meaning and usage).
Examples:
Young student 1: That boy is thick as shit 'innit.
Young student 2: Yea, he right dense.
Translation:
YS1: That boy is very stupid.
YS2: I agree, he is very dumb.
or:
London man on phone: Then I went to the shops, innit. I got this pair of trainers for 20 quid, innit. Credit crunch deals, innit.
Translation:
LMoP: Then I went to the store and bough a pair of sneakers for only £20, what a good deal! It's due to the financial crisis, I say.

brethren - pronounced as bred-drin - referring to one's friends, posse, 'crew', or homies, if you like.
Examples:
Threatening young man: You best get runnin' or I'm 'unna get muh bredren on ya'.
Threatened man: runs away.
Translation:
TYM: Leave now or I shall have my friends attack you.
Also:
Teenaged girl: And den he comes in wiv' all his bredren finkin he impressin' me, like I want him so bad. I really could not be bothered.
Translation:
TG: Then he walks in with his friends, thinking that the sight of him leading his group of friends would impress me. Wrong.

Snow what?

OK. So. The United Kingdom, which once ran an Empire upon which the sun never set, surrenders unconditionally as soon as frozen precipitation begins to fall from the sky. The Nazi Luftwaffe bombed London to bits, yet still the buses ran. Monday, a mere six inches of snow brought the network to a halt. Boris Johnson, London mayor and crazy bigoted side-show act, proclaimed that we all needed to pool our resources to get the city through the situation. REALLY? Next week, if it hails, are we going to re-introduce fabric rationing?

Now, I know this was the greatest snowfall in 18 years, and that it would be economically silly to have equipment prepared to deal with such rare events. But, would it really be economically bad sense? Due to the number of people who couldn't get to work on Monday, early estimates suggest the UK economy is down over £1.2 billion just in lost productivity, and that number is seen as likely to rise once final costs are totalled. Meanwhile, snow continues to blanket parts of the country, with more predicted for London tomorrow.

Surely, the cost of a minimal number of snow plows (which can be easily attached to the fronts of pre-existing vehicles) and some planning for outlying weather events would save money in the long-term? That, and reminding people that clearing snow and slush from their walkways early on helps prevent packed snow and ice from forming, which are definite hazards for anyone trying to walk just about anywhere. I slipped and fell three times walking down the road I live on. So great an injustice must not be allowed, lest the natural beauty of my face be imperiled by an icy 'pavement'!

So, therefore, I judge you government and people of the United Kingdom. Government, ensure transportation cannot be brought to its knees by what is in actuality a very manageable amount of snow. People, get out your shovels (brooms will work on slush!) and clear those walkways in front of your houses. If we all do our part we can and will get through these most trying of times.