On the night bus..

This post springs from a conversation I had yesterday with a few new friends here, where we all traded stories of riding the bus home late at night in London. You see, some busses here run all night, hence night bus, and this is when all the crazies really come out. Oh, they're out in daylight as well; the stop where I catch the bus each morning to head into central London is just outside a hospital, where it seems everyone in a violent altercation in the southern portion of the city ends up. I imagine for most of them the story goes something like, 'Go out with friends in the evening. Become drunk, nay, totally belligerently pants-shitting plastered. Get in fight. Go to hospital, get stitched up, get released.' Released, mind you, right around the time I'm waiting for my bus. Hardly a day goes by when I don't see some charming archetypal young Londoner, hair matted with dried blood, face swollen and stitched (usually at the eyebrow), waiting for the same bus as me. But this is a digression away from the really fun bus stories, those that take place at night!

There was the one that happened to my friend, just last night in fact. He reported to me live via text that his bus had been attacked by men wielding traffic cones, which they were throwing at the bus windows as it went past. Luckily, no windows broke, but still a little alarming. 

Then there was the bus ride a few nights ago when one very drunk older English man became involved in an argument with two francophone men of African origin. One of these men was happily chatting away (rather more loudly than the English seem to find appropriate, though within reason!) on his mobile phone, in French. The English man started muttering at him, "What the f*** are you saying anyway?" The exchange continued:

African man: Pardon?

Englishman: What the f*** are you saying to me?

African man: Pardon? I don't know what you want.

English man: Motherf****** immigrant bastard, what are you saying to me?

African man: (unphased) Pardon?

English man: (now yelling, exasperated) Just what the f*** are you trying to say to me? 

African man: (into his phone) Comme ci, comme ca.... etc.

English man: (yelling) Ill give you come see, come so, motherf***er, this is Eengland, speak English for f*** sake. 

Random woman: Alright mates, lets all calm down, all friends here. Why don't you just read your paper?

English man: F*** off bitch, you want to start wiv me too?

And so on, and so forth, until the Africans got off the bus. Apparently, drunken angry racist stupidity is a universal, as is the correlation between blood alcohol levels and use of the word fuck. Im just glad no one got knifed.